What might interest a curious mind most may not be the secret itself, but rather the fabrication of lies around it. What to take in, what to spit out, that baffles me a lot.

I’ve entered that certain stage of mental instability of the year, the phase I prefer to shut myself out of everyone’s life, or in other precise words, shut everyone else out of  my life. This is the 3rd year I’ve experienced it since it first dawned on me in the summer of my seventeen. At the age of seventeen, you don’t normally shut everyone else out of your life, it must have been that shock which left an indelible track of savage in my memory. And now every time summer comes, my mechanic defense just simply send out signals to behave accordingly, for self-protection sake. The good thing is, for adaptation, you kind of grow addicted to certain kind of madness. Apologies. Sadness I meant, indeed.

It must have been two year and a half since she last enjoyed ……….. How can a fully grown 19-year-old lady dodge off her own needs? What kind of fucking reason had robbed her off her own desire? Every night she commands troupe of thoughts sent out for quest of explanation…

Still no hints then.

Too long the wait to handle that the poor young lady can’t resist her hopelessness to fall into sleep. Thank whatever brings her to sleep she thought, maybe a ejection of sweet sensation will solve the problem, for the time being.

I just wonder what others might do when they find out abnormalities with their mental stage. Seeking professional advice from a specialist maybe? I already did that. They performed a miserable job that it somehow is ridiculously hard for me to restrain myself from the thoughts of laughing their heads off when considering themselves specialists.

No, I’m afraid I failed to pretend to sympathize with your problems. Too bad to have such a friend, she’s herself is too problematic with her own problems to be helpful at needed time.

How many riddles did you count?


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